Me too!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
