It was confusing and full of hummus
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
