You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize