she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
