apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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