The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
