mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
