she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
