I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
