i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
