So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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