I'm eating all of the evidence.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize