The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
