I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
