Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
