I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
