i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
