Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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