after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
