evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Randomize
