Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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