I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
