My first STD was from a foam party
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
