I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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