I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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