Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
