So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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