Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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