Me too!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
