I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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