I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize