worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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