My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This couple is walking their pig around campus
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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