I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
