JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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