I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
