So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
