Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
As shirtless as possible
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
