That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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