im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize