I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
