We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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