im drinking this country out of the recession.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
