Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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