Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
