Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
