Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
