I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
