apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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