You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
