Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
