Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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