Swine flu. Run for my life!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
