I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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