Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
