Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
