Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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