Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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