moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
