You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
