hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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