That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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