you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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