You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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