Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
