see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
