she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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