I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
